Q: Doctor, I am wondering if I could get medical evidence to help me divorce my wife? You see, I am sure that she has been cheating with my best friend, and I have had enough.
I went away on business last week, and when I came back, both of them were laughing and looking very cheerful and smug. Also, my wife did not want to have sex with me that night. I concluded that she had probably been getting 'satisfaction' elsewhere. And my friend is the obvious culprit, since he is always popping into our house for coffee or a drink.
I have noticed that in the last year, the two of them seem to have been getting very close. And over the same period, there have been times when my wife has been quite 'cold' towards me. Lately, her behaviour in bed has been unusual. Sometimes she is very indifferent to my lovemaking. And other times, she is like a raging volcano in the sack, asking me to do things which we have never done before, and screaming loudly when she orgasms. One evening, I thought she screamed out his name, but she denied it afterwards. Maybe I was mistaken.
Last night, I confronted her with my accusations. She said that "nothing bad had taken place" between her and my friend. But she looked very embarrassed about it. So I am wondering if I could get evidence from a doctor to prove that adultery had taken place? If I went to our doctor, would he agree to test my wife in some way to see if she has been unfaithful?
A: Well, I feel you maybe getting a little carried away. So far, your evidence that your wife is cheating is pretty thin. I agree that taking all the points you have outlined together does provide cause for concern. But they do not begin to amount to legal evidence of adultery.
You asked if medical evidence from your doctor would help your case. The first thing I must point out is that he could not possibly assist you by looking for evidence of illicit sex unless your wife agrees.
It would be totally unethical for a medical doctor to examine a woman under pretext, and then go to her husband and say, 'yes, I have found that she has been sleeping with someone else'.
But let us for a moment imagine that she agrees to an intimate examination by your doctor in order to check for evidence of 'outside' sexual relations. Would he really be able to find any such evidence?
Well, he could tell nothing from the state of her vagina or her other sexual organs. Some men have the idea that a woman's vagina somehow 'changes' if she has been unfaithful, but that is not true.
There is only one circumstance in which a doctor's medical examination could prove adultery, and that is if he found sperms in her vagina. Then DNA testing could prove if they are her husband's or someone else, then that would certainly provide legal evidence of infidelity.
But unless an adulterous couple have had sex in the day or so before the internal examination, it is unlikely that the doctor would find any sperm. Also, please bear in mind that the cost of doing a DNA testing, which would have to be carried out on the three of you, is very considerable.
Furthermore, I am sure that if you embarked on this idea of having your wife medically tested for adultery, it would have a very destructive effect on your marriage. It is clear that this relationship is in a pretty bad shape. So I would strongly recommend that if the two of you want to save it, you should go to a marital counsellor, and have at least half a dozen sessions of therapy. This would be much preferable to pursuing your idea of getting your wife to have medical tests for adultery.
Q: I am 28 years old and I have several girlfriends. I do get very tired at times. In fact, recently there have been several occasions when I was unable to 'make it'. Is it true that these days, one can take daily Viagra or Cialis to make sure that the virility will be ok at all times?
A: Well, in the United States there has been some interest in the idea that men could use one of these erection-inducing drugs every single day of the year. But to do that would be very expensive. Also, please bear in mind that Viagra and similar tablets can have side effects, though admittedly those are mostly pretty mild. But taking these pills every single day would increase the risk of such unwanted effects.
I think it would make more sense for you to go and see your doctor for a complete check-up, including a test for diabetes. He might just say that you are worn out, and should take life easier. He could also point out that in these days of HIV and high STD rates, having more than one girlfriend is a rather risky behaviour.
Q: I am determined to get pregnant in October when my husband returns from abroad. My period is due on Saturday, October 1. When would be the best date to try and conceive?
A: If you have a 28-day menstrual cycle, then the best date would probably be October 14. If your cycle is only 26 or 27 days, then you should have sex a day or two before the 14.
Q: Is it true that after going to the toilet, wiping 'the wrong way' can increase a female's chances of cystitis?
A: Yes. Women should always wipe backwards and not forwards. This helps to keep bowel germs away from the urinary opening.
Q: I am a 26-year-old woman who has genital herpes. Is it possible to pass on the virus to my partner if he performs oral sex on me?
A: Unfortunately, yes. Please take your own doctor's advice about what sexual activities would be safe. I would strongly recommend using a 'dental dam', which is a sheet of film that goes between the man's mouth and the woman's vulva.
Q: I am in my 60s, about to marry a woman in her 30s. Could I still get her pregnant?
A: Certainly. Many men in their 60s have become fathers.
Send questions/comments to: editor@gleanerjm.com and read more Doctor's Advice in the Saturday Gleaner.
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